Life doesn’t prepare us for the seismic shifts that grief and trauma bring. The loss of a loved one, a job, health, a relationship, or even a dream can throw us into an abyss of emotional disarray. In the span of my own journey, despite decades of education and professional practice, I’ve come face to face with the depth of human sorrow. My co-author’s suicide, the death of my parents and brothers, the sudden passing of my son from a brain hemorrhage. Each loss etched a permanent mark on my heart.
And yet, time and time again, I’ve discovered a resilient part of myself that insists on healing. Not forgetting, not “moving on,” but gently learning how to carry the weight with a bit more strength and grace each day.
This article isn’t a one-size-fits-all manual. It is a collection of guiding principles. Seven of them that have not only helped me survive, but begin to truly heal after dramatic loss or life-altering change. If you’re reading this while standing in the storm of grief, I want you to know: you’re not alone, and you can heal.
Build a Strong Support System
Healing does not happen in isolation. It requires people. It requires voices, ears, and hearts that can sit with you in your pain without trying to fix it.
Whether it’s a circle of friends, close family, spiritual advisors, or professional therapists your healing hinges on connection. Talking about your pain, sometimes repeatedly and in vivid detail, is not self-indulgent. It’s part of metabolizing grief. But not everyone can hold space for your emotions, so choose people who listen, not those who rush to advise or silence your sorrow.
When my son died, I didn’t need clichés like “He’s in a better place.” I needed someone to hold my hand while I sobbed. That’s the kind of support that heals.
Return to Daily Routines
Loss can feel like a wrecking ball to your identity and structure. One of the most grounding things you can do is to gently reintroduce routines back into your life.
No, it won’t feel natural at first. You might cry over your morning coffee. You might stare blankly while doing laundry. But rituals, however mundane, provide your brain with a sense of safety and predictability. They anchor you. In my case, my daily rituals, journaling, reading scripture, meditating in silence became a sanctuary.
Walk in Nature
Nature doesn’t rush. It evolves, slowly and deliberately and so should you.
Grief and trauma distort time. Days feel endless or suddenly disappear. A walk through a quiet park or forest can provide clarity when your thoughts feel tangled. There’s something healing about watching the seasons change, noticing how the sun filters through trees, listening to the wind rustling leaves.
Leave your phone at home. Don’t make it a fitness goal. Walk to remember that the earth still spins, that beauty still exists, and that you are a part of something larger than your pain.
Some of my most profound moments of peace came on solo walks where I said nothing but felt everything.
Give Yourself Permission to Heal
Healing doesn’t happen because others say it’s time. It begins when you decide that you deserve peace.
Give yourself permission to feel it all: the guilt, the rage, the confusion, and yes, the moments of laughter that sneak up unexpectedly. Emotions will come and go like waves. You might think you’ve “moved on” only to collapse in grief again one afternoon. That’s not regression, it’s normal.
Let go of the expectations to “be okay” within a set timeframe. Healing is not linear. It’s a spiral where you revisit pain, but each time with a little more wisdom and strength.
This also means giving yourself grace. Grief is exhausting. If you’re only able to do one thing today, shower, eat, or simply breathe it’s enough.
Delay Looking at Photos and Keepsakes
Memories are sacred and incredibly powerful. But be cautious not to dive into them too soon.
Photos can unleash waves of grief you may not be ready to navigate. The moment you feel the urge to “remember,” ask yourself if it’s coming from a place of love or longing or if it’s a way to self-punish or avoid the present.
When you’re ready and only when you’re ready, revisit photos and mementos. They can become sources of comfort, but only after you’ve built some emotional scaffolding to handle them.
When I finally opened the box of my son’s belongings, I did so in silence, with tissues nearby, and with no pressure to sort or organize. I sat with the pain, and slowly, love began to mingle with the sorrow.
Stay Engaged With Work and Passion
When you’ve experienced tremendous loss, it’s tempting to pull away from everything including the very things that once brought you joy.
Yet, staying engaged with work, hobbies, or volunteerism provides more than distraction. It offers purpose. Purpose heals. When I returned to writing and consulting, I didn’t feel “productive” I felt anchored. And I started to remember who I was beyond the grief.
If you’ve lost a loved one, consider what they would have wanted for you. More often than not, they’d want you to continue living-fully.
Don’t confuse staying busy with staying connected. It’s not about overfilling your calendar. It’s about choosing activities and people that nourish your spirit.
Understand the Grieving Process Is Messy-and That’s Okay
The idea that grief has stages is comforting denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. But real grief doesn’t follow a clean sequence. It’s chaotic. It loops back. It surprises you.
One moment you’re laughing with a friend, the next you’re sobbing in your car because a song came on the radio. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. That means you’re doing it right because you’re feeling.
Grief isn’t just sadness. It’s a kaleidoscope of emotions, fear, numbness, anxiety, guilt, and sometimes relief (especially after a long illness). All are valid. All are part of the process.
The Power of Time and Compassion
While time alone doesn’t heal, time with intention can.
Grief carves out new spaces within us. Not because we forget, but because we learn to carry love and loss together. We evolve. We learn how to breathe again.
Whether your loss is the death of someone dear, a shattered relationship, or a stolen dream, please hear this: your pain is valid. And your healing is possible.
Keep a journal. Seek therapy. Meditate. Pray. Scream into the wind. Sleep. Paint. Cry. Do what you must and repeat it daily if you need to.
When Grief Becomes Prolonged
It’s also important to recognize when grief becomes too heavy to bear alone.
As of 2022, Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD) is officially recognized as a mental health condition. If a year has passed and you’re still unable to function, seek professional help. There is no shame in needing support.
Therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), or group therapy can provide pathways back to life.
Closing Thoughts: A Personal Reflection
The road to healing is rarely visible from where you start. You will stumble. You will ache. You will doubt it. But you will also survive.
I’ve lived through heart-shattering losses. My son’s death nearly broke me but in that darkness, I also found community, quiet beauty, and the courage to live on.
If nothing else, let this truth root itself in your heart: you do not need to get over your loss. You need only to carry it differently. One breath, one step, one day at a time.